There are 24 hours in a day.
We have responsibilities as a believer.
We have responsibilities as an employee, coworker, or manager.
We have responsibilities as a daughter, mother, sister, aunt, cousin.
We have responsibilities as a friend.
We have responsibilities as an individual.
& while we may be in a place where we’re motivated to be our best selves in every part of our lives, the key to being our best self is SETTING BOUNDARIES.
We need to set boundaries with others but also for ourselves.
WHY WE NEED BOUNDARIES
Because simply put, you cannot be everything to everybody.
You are one person.
You have one body.
You have one mind.
In an IG post earlier last week, I talked about how it is better to give your WHOLE self to one thing you know you can do well, than to HALFWAY do things and lack quality because you’re spreading yourself too thin.
So we need to set boundaries so that we can be at our best both externally and internally.
WHAT BOUNDARIES DO I NEED TO SET
- Set non-negotiables in your schedule. [JESUS TIME & SELF-CARE]
What are those things in your schedule that are not up for question?
Even with a busy schedule, I’ve learned that time with God and time with myself has to happen everyday.
It’s a non-negotiable for me.
Even if it’s only for 30 minutes, it has to happen.
So, on days where I have all these obligations, I cannot overbook myself to the point where there’s a chance that this time block may not happen.
Likewise, what are those things you need in order to be your best self? Maybe it’s working out, maybe it’s journaling or reading, or maybe it is spending time with God.
God cannot be optional.
Your health and wellness cannot be optional.
So instead of trying to squeeze your Jesus time and your “self-care time” into your schedule, Schedule your JT and YT FIRST. Then, fit your schedule into that.
2. Set boundaries with your people. (FAMILY + FRIENDS + COMMUNITY)
We have to set boundaries with people.
We love our people and they love us.
But too much of a good thing can be bad.
Your friends are important, but if spending time with them is getting in the way of your purpose to the point where you can’t find the time to work on the gifts you’ve been blessed with, you’ll eventually start to resent them and yourself for mismanaging your time.
Your family is important, but are you spending so much time support everyone’s else’s dream that you’re forgetting about your own? What do you think the end result will be? RESENTMENT.
Serving your community with your gifts is great. But what happens when you don’t take the time to get poured back into? You won’t have anything to give if you’re running on E. And the result of giving from an empty place? RESENTMENT
So put boundaries. Are there people you need to give limited access to so that you can focus on doing and become what you’ve been called?
People can get so much more from a HEALTHY you than a DYSFUNCTIONAL, EMPTY, AND RESENTFUL you.
& Don’t be afraid to be vocal about your boundaries. If they’re in your life for the right reasons, then they will respect your space.
ACTION STEP : SETTING BOUNDARIES – QUESTIONNAIRE
Get out your journal and/or your notes app and answer these questions
- Assess your time.
- What did you spend most of your time doing during the week and the weekend?
- Were your non-negotiables violated?
- Did you have time to do anything from your passion list?
- What areas of your life are draining your energy?
- List out areas of improvement. Write out areas that need boundaries.
- What do you need to spend less time doing?
- What do you need to spend more time doing?
- Who do you need to spend more time with?
- Who do you need to spend less time with?
- What boundaries am you going to set for this month? For this quarter? For the remainder of the year?
Boundaries are one of the true ways to freedom.
If someone can’t understand your boundary, then you’ll have to assess what their motive is for being in your life.
Here are some Additional Resources for boundaries!
Until next time! – XOXO, Mel
Henry Cloud : Boundaries series
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life
Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships
Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding Choices that Make or Break Healthy Relationships
Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children
Boundaries with Teens: How to Say Yes, When to Say No
Boundaries for Leaders: Why Some People Get Results and Others Don’t
Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships